Yeah, one of those weeks.
I don't talk much about the work I do in the lab. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever said I work in a lab. I work in a lab, one that I really do enjoy being in. Everyone is nice, friendly, and helpful. We eat cake on Thursdays. We sing duets together. Overall, it's the perfect working environment. But that is where I work, not the work itself. The work I do is a different story. It's difficult, it's challenging, and it leaves me exhausted at the end of the day so that my dinner options become fast food burritos, leftovers, or frozen pizza. And on Friday, it was such a discouraging week, dinner was cake.
When you're having hot chocolate as an appetizer, cake as the main course, and chocolate covered ice cream for dessert, you know it's been a week.
My experiments currently have a 14% success rate of giving me something that I can work with. Something always goes wrong. The cells don't grow. The cells grow, but don't produce protein. The cells produce protein, but the protein misfolds. The protein folds correctly, but it disappears when you're concentrating it. Your protein exists, forms crystals, but doesn't diffract.
In conclusion: I've spent the past five months failing.
I've been told not to take science personally, that the failure I see is not a reflection of the work I have put into my research. And that is true, as the same person told me it took him two and a half years to get one result. Now I don't plan on being in Germany for two and a half years, but it made me stop and think. There are no guaranteed results in any aspect of life.
No matter how hard you work, that doesn't automatically earn you results. What earns results is continuing to work towards your goals without giving up.
I've heard that life is about the journey, not the destination. Well in science, I'd argue that it's definitely about the destination. But this Fulbright journey I am on is not just about science, it's about living as well. So I thought since I've reached the halfway point of my time in Germany, I'd take a look back at what the journey has been like so far.
In the past five months, I've:
- Visited 13 cities in 3 countries
- Been to two Oktoberfest celebrations, two Weihnachtsmarkts (Christmas Markets), one ChocolART festival, and one Fasnet parade (kinda like Halloween)
- Visited four Holocaust Memorials, including one Concentration Camp
- Taken 4,030 photos
- Bought 50lbs of hot chocolate to take to my family and friends back home
- Read 20 books (which is more than I read my four years in college)
- Made friends, both American and international
- Skyped my mother every day twice a day (and I'm not ashamed of it)!
- Learned how to stand on my own two feet
Even though my discoveries in the lab may be too few to count, I would have to say that my time in Germany has been, overall, a success. And I have a lot to look forward to: going to Berlin for the midyear Fulbright conference, spending two weeks with my mom all over Germany, and finally discovering my protein.
So, yes, I had a week, but it doesn't define the amazing time I've spent in Germany.
The journey's not over yet.
A few relevant quotes I'd like to share:
ReplyDelete"Success comes with the struggle." <-- my personal favorite
I can't remember how the other one was phrased, but it's something like... when you're at the point that you think you've tried your hardest, the people who keep trying after that are the ones who make the real progress. Something akin to "If it was easy, everyone would do it."
Hope the research has picked up since then! It's easy to get frustrated but keep it up :-)