Hello Readers! You didn't think just because I'm back in the US I would abandon my blog, did you?
I've been home for a little over three weeks now and it feels great to be home again. I have been able to spend a lot of quality time with my family and friends, and I've been winding down in preparation to begin my graduate studies at Dartmouth later this month.
I've chosen today to update my blog because, one year ago today I had just arrived in Marburg, Germany. And, to be honest, I did not think I would be staying. I had cried a lot on my flight and had a rough start finding my way to my orientation. I ended up being sick the first weekend and missed being home a lot. But gradually I adjusted to my life away from home and began to love living in Germany. Things began to pick up and when I moved to my host city, I began to feel like I had made the right decision.
Looking back one year later, I am grateful to have been given this opportunity through the Fulbright program. There were times when it was hard, when I wanted to go home, but those times were heavily outweighed by the times when I couldn't believe that this was my life, times when I could not get enough of the beauty and the culture that surrounded me. Those times will be treasured in the months and years to come as I embark on a new chapter of my life, a new time sure to be filled with even more treasured memories.
It's been quite some time since my last blog post, and I'm very sorry for that but I have been rather busy. After my trip with my mom, I ended up getting rather sick for several weeks. Then once I was well enough I had to head back into work and make up for lost time. I've been able to make great strides in my work and have been able to travel to a few more places, including Barcelona for a few days. Overall the past month has been filled with a lot of positive things.
I know that there are other Fulbrighters who decided to end their time early to travel and relax before they returned to the US or began their new adventures in graduate school, and part of me wishes that I had done just that. The other part of me is extremely grateful that I continued to work until the end. If I had decided to leave early, I never would have finished my project. I got more than 50% of what I wanted to accomplish down within the past week. That would have never happened if I had gone galavanting across Europe for a month. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with enjoying the time you have in Europe. I just feel that I have had a lot of time to travel and to see so much more of Europe than I would have been able to see had I not done the Fulbright. I also know that I came to Germany with a purpose, to complete my Fulbright research project. If I had returned to the US without doing that, I would have felt as though a good portion of my time here was a waste. It does not mean that my time here would have been a waste if I had not finished my project, but it would have felt that way to me. I don't like to leave things unfinished.
I know that I will always look back at this time and see how some things could have been done differently, but overall I am satisfied with what I have been able to see and do this past year abroad. I'm going to make the most out of these last 7 days because I never know what the future holds. It astounds me that I was able to not just make it through my time in Germany, but also to flourish in it. I've grown so much as a person and as a scientist, and I feel prepared to return to the US and begin the next stage of my life.
While I was sick I passed the time watching Disney movies. If you are ever in need of some serious advice, Disney is the place to get it. I'd like to share some quotes with you that I feel sum up my time in Germany. I hope that these will inspire you to do things in your life you never imagined possible. "The flower that blooms in adversary is the most rare and beautiful of all." -The Emperor, Mulan "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell." -Belle, Beauty and the Beast
"Sometimes the right path is not always the easiest one." -Grandmother Willow, Pocahontas
"Children have got to be free to live their own lives." -Sebastian, The Little Mermaid "The past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it." -Rafiki, The Lion King "It's not about what you want, it's about what you need." -Mama Odie, The Princess and the Frog "If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead." -Gusteau, Ratatouille "Life's not a spectator sport." -Laverne, The Hunchback of Notre Dame
I can't believe that I'll be home in 8 weeks!!! It's crazy to look back and think about how I felt when two months had passed and compare it to only having two months left! I know that this opportunity is one whose fingerprints will leave a lasting impression on me for the rest of my life, and I am grateful for it.
One of the best things about being in Germany for a year is that it gave my mom an excuse to come visit and for us to travel around Europe! We started planning the trip in December and finalized everything in March. I loved playing travel agent to some extent because we got to pick what we wanted to do, the downside was that I had to plan everything! Luckily I am a skilled trip planner by now so things went smoothly overall. Here is an outline of our itinerary:
Day 1: Arrival in Tübingen, city tour and visit to Schloß Hohentübingen, dinner at Neckarmüller
Day 2: Heidelberg Day Trip
Day 3: Triberg im Schwartzwald, the Black Forest Day Trip
Day 4: Depart for Vienna, traditional Viennese dinner
Day 5: Budapest Day Trip
Day 6: Vienna sight-seeing tour, visit to Schloß Schönbrunn; cruise on the Danube River
Day 7: Visit to St. Stephan's Cathedral, depart for Salzburg
Day 8: Visit to the Bavarian Mountains and Salt Mines; Sound of Music Tour
Day 9: Visit to the Salzburg Cathedral, depart for Munich, city tour
Day 10: Visit to Dachau Concentration camp Memorial
Day 11: Visit to Rothenburg ob der Tauber
Day 12: Visit to Schloß Neuschwanstein; dinner at the Hofbrauhaus
Day 13: Stein shopping, Return to Tübingen
Day 14: Packing; Dinner at my boss's house with his wife and newborn
Day 15: Say goodbye to Momma
Overall our trip was a great success: it only rained when we were in Vienna and when we returned to Tübingen, we got to see almost everything we wanted too, and most importantly we had a wonderful time together. The only downside was that I had to put my mom on a plane and stay behind, normally the role is reversed! I am so happy that we had these two weeks together, and I know my mom is just as grateful as I am.
Check out some of the great photos we took while traveling!
My momma fresh off the plane!
The iconic view of Tübingen
Sharing a spaghettieis
My mom with her first beer tasting
View of Heidelberg
Largest wine barrel EVER! (I'm standing on it)
Cuckoo Clock Time!
Visiting some of the tallest waterfalls in Germany
World's Original Largest Cuckoo Clock!
A warm day in Budapest
A bit of rain at Schönbrunn
TGIF's banana daiquiri!
Stained Glass at St. Stephan's in Vienna
Just admiring the Bavarian Alps
Dressed in miner's clothes, further proof that we make a good team!
Mirabell Gardens from The Sound of Music
A view of my mom with Harburg Castle
Iconic road in Rothenburg ob der Tauber
My favorite castle in the world Neuschwanstein!
Cheers to a wonderful time spend with a wonderful Mom!
Yes, I'm serious. And no, I am not suggesting that Mr. Rohr is parallel to President Snow. This is not an April Fool's post about how we fought to the death and Cameron died first because he didn't believe in the tradition of the Hunger Games. Or how Charles was taken out after eliminating most of the competition while Josh sat high up in a tree drinking espressos. Or how I hid in a cave for so long that people forgot I was still alive.
I swear there is a meaning hiding behind my madness.
The Berlin Seminar is a conference held in the capital of Germany where Fulbright students gather to discuss a variety of topics and share their experiences abroad. This year the theme was Networking, which gave many of us the opportunity to meet not only other German Fulbrighters but also Fulbrighters from other countries, and Fulbrighters who will be leaving for their U.S. experience. It also gave those of us who were in the Marburg language course to reconnect and share our various shenanigans since we left each other in September. For four days and nights we were allowed to celebrate, explore Berlin, and partake in a variety of panels and discussions--together. It was a wonderful experience, to say the least.
Now for those of you who do not know the premise of The Hunger Games Trilogy, I will give you the briefest of summaries about the Games themselves: In the country of Panem, a post-apocalyptic North America, the Hunger Games are held annually as a reminder of the rebellion that almost destroyed the twelve districts. From each district, a boy and a girl between the ages of 12 and 16 are chosen to go to the Capitol and partake in a fight-to-the death match until a lone victor remains. The victor receives an absorbant amount of food and wealth to bring home to his or her district for the rest of his or her life.
Now how does this relate to the Berlin Seminar? Allow me to rephrase my summary:
In the country of Germany, the Berlin Seminar is held annually as a reminder of the impact Fulbright has had on American-German relations for the past sixty years. From each of the 16 states, boys and girls ranging from researchers to PhD students to ETAs are chosen to go to the capital Berlin to partake in a free-for-all conference where participants are fed an absorbant amount of food and free alcohol until they must return to their states until the end of their grant.
Admit it, there's a bit of a resemblance. And if that doesn't convince you, then here's a photo of some statues I found in Berlin. Look familiar?
But there is one moment from the Berlin Seminar that resonates the most with a part of The Hunger Games. In the second novel, there is one moment when all of the tributes join together as a unified group, standing against the Captiol on the last night before they must enter the arena and, consequentially, an unknown future. This moment for me was the final night of our conference when we were all out at a club we had rented out. Everyone from the Marburg group was dancing together, and when the next song came on, we charged onto the stage. And as we were dancing together under the flashing lights and the cheers, I realized something. Here we were, a group of strangers when we first began, from different backgrounds and scattered throughout Germany, together for what was most likely the last time. But it didn't matter what tomorrow would bring, what would happen to us when we were let back out into the arena of life. Because that one moment is infinite in time to me. It was a moment free from worry and anxiety, of questions of what would happen to this group of people who fell together by circumstance. For one fluttering twinkle in time, we were bound by so much more than the title of Fulbright. We were bound by laughter, by joy, by a euphoria of happiness. And we will continue to be bound together in that moment long after we move on from our Fulbright work.
To all of the people I have met as a result of the Fulbright Program, to my Marburgers, my friends, I want to thank you for the irreplaceable memories we have shared together, not only in Berlin but in Marburg, Tübingen, Kassel, Rome and everywhere in between, I will be forever grateful.
Hello everyone, I haven't forgotten about you. It seems as though the shortest month of the year has been moving at the speed of light and at a snail's pace at the same time. It seems as though I've developed a case of the February Blues. When I started writing this blog post, I thought I was being witty and creative by calling the bleakest month here "blue," but it turns out that the February Blues is the milder form of SAD-Seasonal Affective Disorder. Now this is not a blog post designed to reveal some diagnosis related to the weather, though this is the darkest winter in Germany in 43 years. No, my reasons for having the February Blues go beyond the dreary view from my workspace and much deeper into the heart of my family.
I lost my best friend to breast cancer. While so many sweethearts were celebrating with chocolate and wine in a cozy booth for two, I was picking up the pieces of a broken heart and ordering flowers to be placed at a freshly dug grave. But before I can move forward, I have to go back. I have to introduce you to the person who inspired me to begin this journey. It would be an injustice if I did not do so.
My cousin Michelle was more than a cousin to me. She was the older sister I never had. When I was very little, her and her husband (then boyfriend) Ron taught me to fish by singing "The Fishy Song" at the top of my lungs. If you don't remember the lyrics, I'll refresh your memory:
Have you ever been a fishin' on a bright and sunny day? With all the little fishies swimmin' in an' out the bay? With their hands in their pockets and their pockets in their pants. And all the lil' fishies doin' the Hoochie-Coochie Dance!
I'll let you know we caught several fish that day. And I was so proud.
Michelle used to let me watch her paint at her parents house in the spare bedroom. I remember her painting a woman on an oval canvas and sitting on the bed wishing I could paint like her. So I went and bought video tapes on how to paint so I could paint flowers and sceneries too. Mine were never as good as hers, but it made me feel special.
Just like her scrapbooks. My cousin had the most beautiful scrapbooks you could ever imagine. She was an artist like no other. One night we stayed up together just so I could scrapbook with her, but most of the time I was watching her. I hope that I can be as good as she was.
Or the time when I was her flower girl in her wedding, and I got to wear white gloves and the bottom of my dress was the same color as her wedding dress so it felt like we matched. And when I was thinking about my future and the day that I were to walk down the asile, I wanted her to be my maid of honor. I told her this right after my dad died and we were sitting in her car waiting to pick up the twins. I'm sure we both knew she wouldn't live to be there, but we both knew that if she could have been, she would have.
Speaking of the twins, Michelle had two beautiful, smart boys named Hunter and Chase, and they were her world. After trying in vitro fertilization repeatedly, she finally conceived the loves of her life. I used to go over once a month and spend the night, helping to take care of them and helping Michelle run errands. When they moved out of their tiny apartment and into their new home I got to help with some of the packing and keeping the boys occupied. And I thought how great it was for her to finally have her family complete.
But when the boys were 4 years old, Michelle was diagnosed with breast cancer. She fought hard, and she beat it. But sometimes when we let our guard down, we see that we were fooled. The day after my dad passed away, she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in her liver, lungs, and spine. And we knew that this would be an uphill battle until the end.
The end came on February 10th, 2013. She was only 42 years old. Michelle had everything to lose but she never gave up the fight. She had the strength of ten thousand angels.And she was the perfect example of that age-old saying, "only the good die young."
My cousin touched so many people in her short, but love-filled life that over 400 people came to pay her and her family their respects. It was truly a moving experience. There is even a book being written about her and how she remained faithful through her illness. My cousin Michelle was an inspiration to everyone who met her, and she is leaving behind a legacy of love that will never be forgotten.
So now you know why I've been so silent this month, and why I have the February Blues. But my cousin Michelle did not want us to feel sad because she was gone. She wanted us to appreciate the life we have now, to stay present, and to make the most of our journey.
This is my cousin Michelle's final request: "Speak sweeter, hug each other tighter, and live each day like it were your last."
I've had a week. Not just a bad week, but a week. The kind that makes you stop and look at your life and ask yourself, "Why am I here right now? Why am I doing something every day that leaves me drained and often miserable? Why do I want to spend the next six years doing this?"
Yeah, one of those weeks.
I don't talk much about the work I do in the lab. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever said I work in a lab. I work in a lab, one that I really do enjoy being in. Everyone is nice, friendly, and helpful. We eat cake on Thursdays. We sing duets together. Overall, it's the perfect working environment. But that is where I work, not the work itself. The work I do is a different story. It's difficult, it's challenging, and it leaves me exhausted at the end of the day so that my dinner options become fast food burritos, leftovers, or frozen pizza. And on Friday, it was such a discouraging week, dinner was cake.
When you're having hot chocolate as an appetizer, cake as the main course, and chocolate covered ice cream for dessert, you know it's been a week.
My experiments currently have a 14% success rate of giving me something that I can work with. Something always goes wrong. The cells don't grow. The cells grow, but don't produce protein. The cells produce protein, but the protein misfolds. The protein folds correctly, but it disappears when you're concentrating it. Your protein exists, forms crystals, but doesn't diffract.
In conclusion: I've spent the past five months failing.
I've been told not to take science personally, that the failure I see is not a reflection of the work I have put into my research. And that is true, as the same person told me it took him two and a half years to get one result. Now I don't plan on being in Germany for two and a half years, but it made me stop and think. There are no guaranteed results in any aspect of life.
No matter how hard you work, that doesn't automatically earn you results. What earns results is continuing to work towards your goals without giving up.
I've heard that life is about the journey, not the destination. Well in science, I'd argue that it's definitely about the destination. But this Fulbright journey I am on is not just about science, it's about living as well. So I thought since I've reached the halfway point of my time in Germany, I'd take a look back at what the journey has been like so far.
In the past five months, I've:
Visited 13 cities in 3 countries
Been to two Oktoberfest celebrations, two Weihnachtsmarkts (Christmas Markets), one ChocolART festival, and one Fasnet parade (kinda like Halloween)
Visited four Holocaust Memorials, including one Concentration Camp
Taken 4,030 photos
Bought 50lbs of hot chocolate to take to my family and friends back home
Read 20 books (which is more than I read my four years in college)
Made friends, both American and international
Skyped my mother every day twice a day (and I'm not ashamed of it)!
Learned how to stand on my own two feet
Even though my discoveries in the lab may be too few to count, I would have to say that my time in Germany has been, overall, a success. And I have a lot to look forward to: going to Berlin for the midyear Fulbright conference, spending two weeks with my mom all over Germany, and finally discovering my protein.
So, yes, I had a week, but it doesn't define the amazing time I've spent in Germany.
I had wanted to keep going with all my travels from when I was in Marburg, but I felt as though I should jump forward into the present (if that's even possible!) to talk about my birthday. This year I turned 22, the year of contradictions according to my friends, and an age where everything is miserable and magical at the same time according to Taylor Swift. To celebrate this monumental year, I wanted to do something crazy and exciting, so I went to Rome with my friend Paul for a week. This is a recap of what we did each day: Day 1: How Much of Rome can we see in one night? As our flights got in a different times and we were staying in different parts of the Eternal city (great planning on our part), we agreed to meet at the metro and find somewhere for dinner. We ended up eating by the Trevi Fountain, but on our way there we were able to see the Victor Emmanuel II monument. After dinner we wanted to find our way to the Colosseum, but we got a bit lost and ended up at the Tiber river. This detour did allow us to see some of the ruins left from ancient Rome. We finally found the Colosseum enjoyed the beauty of it without the legion of tourists that are encountered during the daytime. Our final stop for the night was St. Peter's Square to get a stunning view of St. Peter's Basilica. We were also lucky enough to see the lights on in the papal offices! Day 2: The Magic Rome Bus and other Ancient Sites
As we had bought passes to see the sights of Rome and the Vatican, we were allowed to ride a hop-on hop-off tour bus for three days. This tour bus allowed us to take in the major sights of Rome so we could strategize a plan of attack for the rest of the day. Afterwards we headed back to the Colosseum for a complete tour of the ancient arena. Then we were off to the Roman Forum and Palatine Hill, where we perused ruins until closing time.
Day 3: Is that Moses or Paul?
This was a whirlwind of a day that brought us to three of the four Basilica's of Rome, and it was also my 22nd birthday! This included: St. Mary Major, St. Paul Outside the Walls, and St. John Lateran. We also visited San Pietro in Vincoli. We also visited the Capitoline Museums, where Paul and I essentially had the run of the place and proceded to make various pop culture references in our photos. The day ended with dinner by the Trevi Fountain, where I threw in two two-cent coins for my 22nd birthday!
Day 4: The Golden Ticket Trip
Today was one of the parts of my trip to Rome I was looking forward to most: a visit to the vatican for an audience with the pope. I thought it was only a small group meeting, but I'm pretty sure I was one of 6,000. It was still pretty exciting. Then we not only toured St. Peter's Basilica and saw the Sistine Chapel, but we also attended mass there!
Day 5: Wine and Dine with David
When in Rome, go to Florence! At least, that's what Paul wanted to do. We managed to get promo train tickets so it wasn't ridiculously expensive (unless you count the cost of lost sleep) but it was worth it because we got to see David, and didn't have to wait in any lines! I got to shop along my favorite bridge and we even had a nice dinner with wine. We bought enough to bring home too!
Day 6: It's not Over 'til it's Over
Our last day in Rome was not wasted; instead we went to see a few more churches and piazzas and I made one last rendezvous to the Trevi Fountain. Then it was a frenzied trip back to Munich for a few more days of fun before heading back to Tübingen!
Overall, Rome was a fantastic trip (thank you Mom)! I ate fantastic food, enjoyed cone after cone of amazing gelato, saw the awesome and inspiring sights of Rome, and developed a greater friendship along the way (thanks travel buddy Paul)! I hope the rest of being 22 is as invigorating as the first few days was! And I'll be home in less than a month!
